In the last couple of weeks there has been much hype in various newspapers and on several television programs regarding the “new 40” and how women are celebrating it. There has even been a book written about it called Fortytude by Sarah Brokaw.
They talked about how it is different than their Mother’s 40 who in some cases were really middle-aged in their thought processes and behavior or in some circumstances were close to becoming a grandmother. In many instances their Mothers at the age of 40 had already raised their children and were looking at an ‘empty nest’. However, in most situations today many of these women are just beginning their Motherhood and are dealing with diapers, daycare and play dates and not ending it. They talk about how they wanted the career, the marriage, the white picket fence and the 2.1 children and how they had to re-invent themselves. They also spoke about those who have not yet achieved that “American dream” and how they are dealing with it.
I guess I am a little bit taken aback that a generation of women who are 15 years younger than I am have let themselves be identified by the tradition of our foremothers. Have they forgotten the women who in the 1970’s rallied for equality and burned their bras so that women could have choices and were not put into a particular role and limited?
Am I less of an individual/woman for not having achieved the marriage, the white picket fence and the 2.1 children? Why should we be made to feel like a failure because our lives took a different fork in the road?
I am all for celebrating the milestones in our lives and certainly every birthday that ends with a “0” or a “5” is a milestone in my mind; BUT, our celebration should not be at the dismissal of another group of individuals who have for unknown reasons chosen a different life and not fulfilled the same dreams that these forty-somethings have.
I believe that every girl dreams of being married, having a successful career, living in a nice house and having children. What we do not know is what happened along the way that those dreams didn’t come true. Did she never meet her soul mate? Or maybe she did; but, a tragedy happened along the way. Maybe she couldn’t have children – you would be amazed at how many women I know in my age category who are to use a biblical term “barren” – is it devastating for us? YES! And we do not need to be constantly reminded about it. The white picket fence? Well maybe we have it and maybe we don’t – it may not be a white picket fence; but, it is our home and we made it ourselves.
What we do have and which you should all be thanking us for – are our careers. Throughout these decades we have been breaking the barriers for you, and working towards the glass ceiling. We embraced education and realized that it was important for us to become more than teachers and nurses (admirable careers); but, traditionally held by women. We entered colleges/universities which were originally only for men, we became proficient in sports and took advantage of Title IX and we did all types of jobs striving for that corner office.
Today women outnumber men entering college 43% to 35%; although in 2009 a college educated woman still only earned $0.77 on the dollar in comparison to men. Do we still have a ways to go on this front – ABSOLUTELY. But, let’s not forget how far we have come in 40 years. It took African Americans much longer to accomplish equality; the first slaves were brought to the United States (or the colonies) in 1619; in 1870 the 15th Amendment proclaimed that all US citizens (despite race, color, creed) had the right to vote; that was 251 years after the first African American came to our country. And, more importantly, it wasn’t until the Voting Rights Act of 1965 that Blacks voted in the United States another 95 years after the 15th Amendment.
Looking at that timeline – we’ve come a long way baby – in a very short period of time. Let’s not make light of what has been accomplished by the women from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. Instead let’s celebrate that we now have CHOICES in our lives and not one of them is wrong. It is for the individual to decide what they want, what they will need to sacrifice; and, more importantly how to deal with the curve balls life throws at us.
As Erma Bombeck said, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
Here is to your lemonade, be it traditional, pink or any other color/flavor.
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