I know that many of you who read this blog are parents and many of you like me are not. I often wonder what makes a parent and how do you learn to properly parent your child? This blog is the result of a conversation I had earlier this week with a man I have known from the conferencing industry for many years, he is commonly known as “The Crystal Bald”.
He sent me the following website to review: www.talkaboutparenting.org and to see what we can do from our collective connections within large organizations to help them.
That is what started me thinking on who parents a child today. Our families are no longer the nucleus they were when many of us were growing up; a father, mother, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents all living usually within a 10 mile radius or less. And every individual had a role in our development as children, teenagers and young adults. Generally our parents were strict; expecting good manners and good grades from us, in my family since both my parents worked my aunt would pick us up from school and we would have dinner at my grandmother’s house until my Mom came home and took us to our apartment. Abuela (Grandma in Spanish) generally would make those dinner dishes which we enjoyed so she would indulge us a bit. My aunts were a bit stricter being our second Mother and ensuring that we followed her expectations. My cousin was an only child with no father being raised in a totally woman filled environment – my Grandfather would visit once a week, bring us treats and introduced my cousin to the New York Yankees by listening to them every Sunday on the radio.
I am sure that each of you has memories of what your families were like, who indulged you, who reprimanded you and who introduced you to sports, theater, museums and travel.
What of families today? Today families are disbursed throughout the country and it is not unheard of for a grandparent to not see their newborn grandchild until they are a couple of years old. Many grandparents use applications like Skype to speak to their children and grandchildren throughout the US. The nuclear Sunday dinner is almost forgotten due to the various activities our children participate in and our very busy, “connected” lives to our jobs.
So, having said that; who parents today? Well, it should not be your child’s teacher – their job and function is to educate your child and to open their horizons to what the world has to offer and not to babysit them. It is not their coach or dance instructor; theirs is to ensure that your child enjoys the activity, is instructed in it, understands it and does it to the best of their ability.
It is ours, the Mothers, Fathers, Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents. Each of us can play a variety of roles with the children in our families. As I have stated previously I do not have any children; but, there are members of my family for whom I have been a “second” Mom to or the Aunt “Mame” in their lives. Each of them although having been introduced to many fun things with me; Sweet 16 in Hawaii, 21 in London/Ireland, various trips to Disneyworld, Puerto Rico or Amsterdam; they have also realized the expectations I have of each of them. They are to mind their manners, to be cordial to people they are introduced to, to behave themselves in public, to be honest and to give of themselves to others. They have not disappointed me and they have grown to be a very responsible man and woman.
It is now the next generation that we are parenting. I have to admit this generation doesn’t necessarily like it. We get the sullen look when they are told “no” or if it is the youngest one a slight tantrum. I have seen the lips quiver and tears at the corner of the older one’s eyes when he has been reprimanded on his behavior. It is a case of this being brought to his attention. Are each of them respectful and thankful when they receive something or are taken on a trip, ABSOLUTELY; but, what we are trying to teach them is that this is a treat and not an “expected” event.
I enjoy this time with them even when having to reprimand them. I know that they will grow up to be good individuals as you can see it in their actions already. Don’t deny yourself the joy of being able to mold a young child into a wonderful adult. Be there for the good times; but, also be there to pick them up when they stumble, to listen to them and not just dismiss their concerns and fears. Be their “cheering” section – every child needs to know that you are there for them through thick and thin.
Those of you who read this know that we are “blessed”; I want you to think of all the other individuals who are not as fortunate as we and who are struggling to do the same thing. Raise good children to be wonderful adults. Our families can always grow beyond our nucleus – we are a family; our common bond and the strongest is the love we have for our children.
Spread the love beyond yours and to others.
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