Forty years and sometimes it still feels as if it was just yesterday. This past week my Mother will now have been dead 40 years – she is dead longer than she was alive; and, yet in the little time we had together she made an indelible impression upon me.
I am my Mother’s daughter – even down to my figure. My Mother was not tall 5’2” and I am a little bit shorter than that; however she did have hips and I inherited them and small breasts and I also inherited that. Other physical characteristics that I inherited where her long strong nails, good veins (they love it when they have to get blood from me), her prominent cheek bones and her high forehead. When I was young I was told that I looked like my father – as I have gotten older most individuals will say that now I look more like my Mother.
She was a character and I think some of you think I am too. So instead of this being a weepy blog on how I miss her and what she has missed out in my life – it is on how I celebrate her and those quirky things I do because of her.
First you should know that my Mother loved life – she was the ultimate Pollyanna and the glass was always half full. I am not as free a spirit as my Mother was; but, despite all that she was extremely responsible. Her family came first, she managed money extremely well and it was important to her that she always looked pulled together. She had an incredible work ethic – and very much enjoyed working, even when we moved to the suburbs she did the “coffee clique” thing for just a little bit and then went and found a part time job working at a department store. She always needed to be busy and to have her own money. One of my Mother’s phrases regarding a woman having a job and earning money was,
“there is nothing worse than having to ask your husband for money to buy underwear”. She was a feminist before her time in asserting that all women needed to provide some income for themselves.
By now I am sure you realize that my Mother was an incredible housekeeper. Our home was always clean and she believed in each of us having chores – from the time I was 5 my Mother stood me on a crate and taught me to wash dishes. To this day I tend to wash dishes by hand unless I have several people over for a meal. At the same time she taught me to iron. I started with the small things: my father’s handkerchiefs, underwear, t-shirts and later graduated to larger items. Friday nights will find me ironing my clothes for the upcoming week – for me it is a form of relaxation. We could not leave for school until our bed was made (and NOT going to school was NOT an option) – I make my bed every morning as soon as I get up. We washed, dried and put away the dishes each evening after dinner, then swept and mopped the kitchen floor. I do wash, dry and put away the dinner dishes each evening; but, I admit I do not sweep and wash my kitchen floor each evening.
The fun things that she did with us would probably not be done today. For example, she is the one who introduced us to liquor – it was not taboo at the time to take a sip of your parent’s drink. From my Mother I sipped Rum & Coke (her favorite), Pina Coladas and Singapore Slings – to name a few. When we lived in Puerto Rico my father worked evenings – he hated pasta so Monday nights was Pasta night for us. We would have elbow macaroni with beef and my Mother and I would split a bottle of wine. I am not a big drinker (I never have been) and although my Mother introduced me to liquor she also had a healthy respect for it and that is what she wanted to instill in us.
My Mother also smoked (didn’t all of them back then). However, I don’t think she really wanted me to – I will not forget her way of teaching me. We were in the grocery store and my Mother wanted a cigarette – per her she had no matches or a lighter with her; so, she asked me to please go to the car and light her cigarette. Being the obedient daughter that I was I said sure – well I go ahead and press the lighter when it pops, I place the cigarette between my lips and as I press the lighter to the cigarette I inhale. BIG MISTAKE. I now had a throat full of burning smoke. From that day forward I never touched a cigarette again.
So what made my Mother quirky – here are some of the things she believed in or would do:
1. Do not let the New Year catch you dirty - so every New Year’s Eve my house is spotless
2. Do not let the New Year catch you in something old – I always have a new nightgown for that evening
3. Should you on New Year’s Eve spill some liquor while pouring a glass – that means those that have passed on would like a drink too – fill a glass for them and place it in the corner of a cabinet
4. Twice a year empty all your closets and draws; clean them out and rearrange things
5. Decorate for every season – I still do this and my great nephews have grown to appreciate it
6. Always match – your outfit to your shoes to your handbag – I still do this one too (even my underwear) AY VEY!!!
7. Game shows – she would watch them each day, Password, Match Game, Jeopardy – and I do too
8. Breakfast for dinner – we loved having oatmeal for dinner (again on a night when my Dad was working)
9. The first time she was asked to wash the meat for dinner by her Mother, she washed the meat with soap and water
10. She loved to dance and was not ashamed of moving her hips – unlike myself I am a little self conscious of my hips
11. She was a great at knitting and crocheting we always had new sweaters, ponchos and every baby in the family wore a sweater outfit that she had made – unfortunately I never picked up those skills from her; my sister has
12. We were always dressed in a new outfit for each of the major holidays – everything matching; hat, gloves, dress, coat, shoes and handbag – my first trip on a plane I had on panty hose (although back then there were no pantyhose so it was a garter belt and nylons). Okay how many of you remember those days???
13. Every school year we had new outfits, shoes and on the first day of school she would take us to buy our supplies
14. The same would hold true for the summer – we would get about 5 new outfits; I do that now for my great nephews
15. She believed in doing your best and trying to be a perfectionist – there was no homework turned in with an eraser mark; it had to be done over – I can’t tell you how many trees I have killed to this day by having to have a paper be exactly perfect
16. When I was in the second grade and it was determined I was having a hard time comprehending what I was reading – my Mother would have me read a story each night and then would have me talk to her about what I read. Now, I am able to read quickly and understand and contain information for years
17. Lastly, in the 6th grade I was pulling all A’s in each of my classes except one, Science – it has never been one of my favorite subjects; but, every time the teacher would spring a quiz on us I would get nervous and need to go to the bathroom; but, wouldn’t ask permission to do so. I had told my Mother what was going on – on her next Parent/Teacher conference she told my instructor what was happening – after that he would have me go to the restroom before the quiz and I ended up with A’s in that class too.
Lastly, each of us has a song or scent that we associate with a loved one, for my Mother the song was “Shimmy, Shimmy Koko Bop” as she would sing that to my brother and the scent was Shalimar – she always wore that whenever she was going out.
I am sure that each of you has stories you can tell about growing up and what life was like with your Mom. Thank you for letting me share some of my stories with you and celebrating the woman she was and the woman I have become.
Love You Mom.
Little Anthony & the Imperials
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