Don't Place Yourself on Hold

Have you ever missed out on something because you were waiting to do it with someone else? Each of you had the best intentions of getting together and due to work; life and other obligations never got together and missed what you wanted to do?

This has happened to me several times and I have decided no more putting my life “on hold” until it is good for each of us. Life is short – we saw that in last week’s blog; and, what are we waiting for to do what we enjoy in our lives.

A friend and I have been trying to get together for a couple of years now – it is not easy with her in New Jersey and me in New York each having a full time job, exercise obligations, a man in our lives and family that depends upon us. We made a decision to go see Harry Connick, Jr. in the show “On a Clear Day” – we would even be able to get discount tickets. Our plan was to go after Thanksgiving; but, before Christmas so we could enjoy New York in its holiday glory – that DIDN’T happen. Then, I recommended that we go in January – maybe the long weekend; we could do either Saturday or even Sunday because we each had Monday, Martin Luther King’s Day off. Well I didn’t hear from my friend and word was that the show was going to close.

I decided that I really wanted to see it despite the bad reviews before it closed. North Shore through Plum Benefits (a service for discount tickets to shows, restaurants and events) was offering orchestra seats for $89 – what a steal as these are the Prime Orchestra seats that go for $200 to $300. I went ahead and bought myself a ticket for the Sunday matinee and went – by MYSELF. I enjoyed the show and Mr. Connick’s performance and I could understand the reason for it not doing well. During intermission my seat mate started up a conversation regarding the performance and other shows that we had each seen and it was a very pleasant way to pass the time. “On a Clear Day” will close on January 29th and had I not taken this opportunity to go by myself I would have missed it, been upset with myself and wondered if the critics were right or not. I know my friend will not be upset that I have gone without her.

I know that many of us especially if we are single tend to wait to go to a restaurant, see a show or travel to a city or country until someone can come with us. That is common because we feel more comfortable sharing the experience with another individual; also, face it – how many of us like to eat at a nice restaurant alone??? Many times a woman alone in a restaurant is not seated in a nice location, may not get good service or could feel as if they are being stared at. BUT, hey I am at an age and am confident and comfortable enough with myself that I can say to the maitre’d that I want a better seat.

All I am saying to each of you and to myself is – STOP placing your life on hold to do something you really want. Go to that show, take that trip, and eat at that restaurant (so what if you take your book as your companion).

Each of us is a wonderful, unique individual and we should be treating ourselves to those things that we enjoy, give us pleasure, and a sense of enrichment. I encourage you to take that trip, see that exhibit at the museum, Discovery zone or try out that new restaurant.

My next goal is to make reservations to see the ballet, “Don Quixote” – it is my understanding is that in this version when it is Miguel Cervantes the ballet is in black and white; when it is Don Quixote the ballet is in vibrant colors. I looked to see when it would be in New York – well it WON’T; BUT, it will be in Boston so I am seriously considering going to Boston for a long weekend – seeing the ballet, strolling through Faneuil Hall, walking the Freedom Trail and doing everything Bostonian except seeing a Red Sox game.

As Robin Williams said in the movie, “Dead Poets Society” – CARPE DIEM.

Seize the Day and Enjoy It.

Rememberances of My Mother

Forty years and sometimes it still feels as if it was just yesterday. This past week my Mother will now have been dead 40 years – she is dead longer than she was alive; and, yet in the little time we had together she made an indelible impression upon me.

I am my Mother’s daughter – even down to my figure. My Mother was not tall 5’2” and I am a little bit shorter than that; however she did have hips and I inherited them and small breasts and I also inherited that. Other physical characteristics that I inherited where her long strong nails, good veins (they love it when they have to get blood from me), her prominent cheek bones and her high forehead. When I was young I was told that I looked like my father – as I have gotten older most individuals will say that now I look more like my Mother.

She was a character and I think some of you think I am too. So instead of this being a weepy blog on how I miss her and what she has missed out in my life – it is on how I celebrate her and those quirky things I do because of her.

First you should know that my Mother loved life – she was the ultimate Pollyanna and the glass was always half full. I am not as free a spirit as my Mother was; but, despite all that she was extremely responsible. Her family came first, she managed money extremely well and it was important to her that she always looked pulled together. She had an incredible work ethic – and very much enjoyed working, even when we moved to the suburbs she did the “coffee clique” thing for just a little bit and then went and found a part time job working at a department store. She always needed to be busy and to have her own money. One of my Mother’s phrases regarding a woman having a job and earning money was,
“there is nothing worse than having to ask your husband for money to buy underwear”. She was a feminist before her time in asserting that all women needed to provide some income for themselves.

By now I am sure you realize that my Mother was an incredible housekeeper. Our home was always clean and she believed in each of us having chores – from the time I was 5 my Mother stood me on a crate and taught me to wash dishes. To this day I tend to wash dishes by hand unless I have several people over for a meal. At the same time she taught me to iron. I started with the small things: my father’s handkerchiefs, underwear, t-shirts and later graduated to larger items. Friday nights will find me ironing my clothes for the upcoming week – for me it is a form of relaxation. We could not leave for school until our bed was made (and NOT going to school was NOT an option) – I make my bed every morning as soon as I get up. We washed, dried and put away the dishes each evening after dinner, then swept and mopped the kitchen floor. I do wash, dry and put away the dinner dishes each evening; but, I admit I do not sweep and wash my kitchen floor each evening.

The fun things that she did with us would probably not be done today. For example, she is the one who introduced us to liquor – it was not taboo at the time to take a sip of your parent’s drink. From my Mother I sipped Rum & Coke (her favorite), Pina Coladas and Singapore Slings – to name a few. When we lived in Puerto Rico my father worked evenings – he hated pasta so Monday nights was Pasta night for us. We would have elbow macaroni with beef and my Mother and I would split a bottle of wine. I am not a big drinker (I never have been) and although my Mother introduced me to liquor she also had a healthy respect for it and that is what she wanted to instill in us.

My Mother also smoked (didn’t all of them back then). However, I don’t think she really wanted me to – I will not forget her way of teaching me. We were in the grocery store and my Mother wanted a cigarette – per her she had no matches or a lighter with her; so, she asked me to please go to the car and light her cigarette. Being the obedient daughter that I was I said sure – well I go ahead and press the lighter when it pops, I place the cigarette between my lips and as I press the lighter to the cigarette I inhale. BIG MISTAKE. I now had a throat full of burning smoke. From that day forward I never touched a cigarette again.

So what made my Mother quirky – here are some of the things she believed in or would do:
1. Do not let the New Year catch you dirty - so every New Year’s Eve my house is spotless
2. Do not let the New Year catch you in something old – I always have a new nightgown for that evening
3. Should you on New Year’s Eve spill some liquor while pouring a glass – that means those that have passed on would like a drink too – fill a glass for them and place it in the corner of a cabinet
4. Twice a year empty all your closets and draws; clean them out and rearrange things
5. Decorate for every season – I still do this and my great nephews have grown to appreciate it
6. Always match – your outfit to your shoes to your handbag – I still do this one too (even my underwear) AY VEY!!!
7. Game shows – she would watch them each day, Password, Match Game, Jeopardy – and I do too
8. Breakfast for dinner – we loved having oatmeal for dinner (again on a night when my Dad was working)
9. The first time she was asked to wash the meat for dinner by her Mother, she washed the meat with soap and water
10. She loved to dance and was not ashamed of moving her hips – unlike myself I am a little self conscious of my hips
11. She was a great at knitting and crocheting we always had new sweaters, ponchos and every baby in the family wore a sweater outfit that she had made – unfortunately I never picked up those skills from her; my sister has
12. We were always dressed in a new outfit for each of the major holidays – everything matching; hat, gloves, dress, coat, shoes and handbag – my first trip on a plane I had on panty hose (although back then there were no pantyhose so it was a garter belt and nylons). Okay how many of you remember those days???
13. Every school year we had new outfits, shoes and on the first day of school she would take us to buy our supplies
14. The same would hold true for the summer – we would get about 5 new outfits; I do that now for my great nephews
15. She believed in doing your best and trying to be a perfectionist – there was no homework turned in with an eraser mark; it had to be done over – I can’t tell you how many trees I have killed to this day by having to have a paper be exactly perfect
16. When I was in the second grade and it was determined I was having a hard time comprehending what I was reading – my Mother would have me read a story each night and then would have me talk to her about what I read. Now, I am able to read quickly and understand and contain information for years
17. Lastly, in the 6th grade I was pulling all A’s in each of my classes except one, Science – it has never been one of my favorite subjects; but, every time the teacher would spring a quiz on us I would get nervous and need to go to the bathroom; but, wouldn’t ask permission to do so. I had told my Mother what was going on – on her next Parent/Teacher conference she told my instructor what was happening – after that he would have me go to the restroom before the quiz and I ended up with A’s in that class too.

Lastly, each of us has a song or scent that we associate with a loved one, for my Mother the song was “Shimmy, Shimmy Koko Bop” as she would sing that to my brother and the scent was Shalimar – she always wore that whenever she was going out.

I am sure that each of you has stories you can tell about growing up and what life was like with your Mom. Thank you for letting me share some of my stories with you and celebrating the woman she was and the woman I have become.

Love You Mom.









Little Anthony & the Imperials

To Save or Not to Save

I am writing this for a friend of mine who I hope will be very proud of me. This week I went through all the documents on my computer and I filed them in their proper folders. So, BIG DEAL - You ask why will she be proud of me?

I am notorious for throwing things out or deleting them. You all know that I am a clean, neat freak so I could not stand to see more than 100 or so messages in my mailbox – nor was I ever good at creating folders on my computer and placing the respective documents in that folder. Part of my reason for not doing this is that I always had individuals who worked for me who were fanatical about saving everything. I knew if I ever needed something I could go to them and they would provide it no matter how many years ago it had been created. Needless to say this friend took the brunt of my always asking if she had a particular document, presentation or email message. And she always did. Thank You, Thank You, THANK YOU.

Now, I am a lone individual in my department with many projects going on – I cannot depend upon someone else having the item and/or having the right version of what I need. I now have a filing system for my work computer.

Every vendor has a folder and in that folder there are additional folders to reference projects, programs, or documentation. I have a projects folder that lists every single facility, building or room that we are working on and the respective quotes and floor drawings are all in that file. I am able to immediately get my hands on either a quote or review a floor drawing with the vendor, the client or my boss if we need to creatively reduce the budget on any one of our projects.

I also have gone through and removed the multiple versions of a presentation or document that I had and just keep the “final” version, latest revision or the latest dated one. For example; last week I was working with the Visual Communications Industry Group (VCI-Group) on two different letters to send out – we ended up with six revisions of the letter – each of which had been saved to my computer in their folder. I went in and deleted all but the last version – there is no need to keep all the other copies. I did the same with a presentation I had done regarding the Managed Service program I will be implementing at North Shore – I had a version I did in June, another in July and another three in August – I saved the one that said “FINAL” and deleted the others.

Not only have I been good at putting together this electronic filing system; but, I am also NOT deleting messages. I have a tendency to read a message, respond to it; and, then delete it – all to try to keep that electronic mailbox clean. I have been burned in the past by doing this; and, again my saving grace has been individuals who I knew kept every email ever written.

As they say, ‘turnaround is fair play’ – NOW, I am the one who keeps messages and is always pulling them up for my boss and sending them to him for him to address with other individuals. Believe me in the last month those messages have come in handy when we have needed to reference a lack of response by certain individuals and/or departments.

Now that my office computer is all organized – I need to tackle my personal computer. It does have files for everything – you would be very proud that my Blogs are filed under the year and the month of their creation. The file that really needs to be organized is my Recipe file. When I see a recipe on line I just save it to a folder titled, “Recipes”. What my computer does is to save them in alphabetical order; however, I spent a good 30 minutes on Tuesday evening looking for something to bake for our Aqua Aerobics post holiday party. More than 150 recipes later – I just gave up; and instead decided that I would just make my cheese Danish – it is quick (I made it before class on Saturday morning ) and it was still warm by the time class was over and we could eat it.

But having learned my lesson I need to organize it by classifications: breakfast, desserts, meats, poultry, etc. – that will be a system which will be more useful when I am looking for something in particular.

So to my friend – thank you for saving me all those many times. I have learned my lesson and have embraced my computer and organizing my files on it.

You are never too old to learn a new trick.

1 Down, 51 More to Go

The first week of 2012 is over and now there are 51 more weeks to go. Don’t get me wrong I am not one to wish the weeks away – besides at my age they go by fast enough. I just think this week ended up surprising me.

By Monday I was: what day is it, when do I go back to work, I don’t have anything else to do at home. I was one of those people overjoyed to go back into the office on Tuesday and for the holidays to have ended. But, Tuesday was slow and I was itching to go home; and, at least be able to read a book – but, with a meeting scheduled for late in the day that wasn’t going to be feasible.

Then Wednesday became a whirlwind and that is the way it stayed for the remainder of the week. I worked from home on Wednesday and I defy anyone who doesn’t feel that they are more productive at home than in the office. I sat down at 7AM and did not stop working and responding to email messages until 6:30. I never stepped out of my house except to throw out the garbage and collect my mail from the mailbox.

All my projects are coming to a head at once. I spent my time red lining an SOW (Scope of Work) and sending the changes to my vendor; I was reading a second contract and SOW; and, lastly I contacted all the facilitators of our video sites to see when they could have their equipment checked out by my vendor. AND, Wednesday was my nephew’s second anniversary and Ryan’s 10th birthday. Both which had me calling to each of them to say Hello and congratulate them. But, I felt extremely accomplished and overjoyed when my facilitators were each getting back to me immediately. Wow – looks like the site surveys and equipment discovery will be successful. I also took down the last of Christmas by putting away the candles that are in each window and the Christmas lights that flank the windows in the living, dining rooms and kitchen. YEAH!!! Back to normal.

Thursday things continued to be busy with vendor meetings and a site survey at our new facilities which we are supposed to move into by February 1st. For our department 2012 is going to be an extremely productive and aggressive year with most of my projects due to be implemented and running by the end of the first quarter. NOW, you can understand my heightened anxiety. What is great is that my customers/clients are clamoring for the services – I don’t have to convince them that it is good for them. The difficult part is the legal/procurement process – I can’t have any of these items get stuck there and I will need to be creative, cajoling and all those other words to work through the minutiae.

I was also due to have the boys on Friday night into Saturday. Since I would have Ryan I volunteered to have the family over to celebrate his birthday. In our family it is tradition that the person celebrating their birthday chose what they would like for dinner; Ryan’s choice was pork chops, mashed potatoes, corn and apple sauce – I offered to make that for him on Friday since Matt (my niece’s husband) isn’t necessarily fond of pork. Having settled that then what would he like for dinner with the family on Saturday – he chose Mexican. Now I could make my grocery shopping list.

Friday morning found me at the gym for my training session with Jennifer, then heading to the grocery store to pick up dinner items for Friday and Saturday and all the other things I have in the house for the boys. Even with my list I picked up some things Ryan likes (watermelon, goat cheese); but, ended up forgetting the black & white cookies. Oh well. Home with everything in the refrigerator and cabinets. Now to log on.

Darn!!! A fire that I need to respond to within the next hour. On the telephone for 45 minutes trying to understand how I can provide three (3) options to our Executives for video conferencing in our new offices in mid-town Manhattan. I needed to see how we could re-configure the rooms and/or what equipment (second monitor, less microphones, etc.) I could remove. I managed to get that done and off to my boss – we then discussed it before it went on to our CTO. Now time to write that message to our legal department and explain the costs of the contract and services I need them to review and sign off on by January 20th. Okay I will tell you right now – that date is NOT happening.

I need to start cooking as my nephew just called and said that he and the boys are leaving; BUT, call from my boss. Unfortunately, that call went on until a little after 5 and Gerard with the boys arrived. I had their toys out so no big deal they were able to entertain themselves while I got dinner going.

I can tell you that Ryan enjoyed his dinner both evenings – if you were wondering Mexican in my house consists of guacamole (homemade), chips, salsa and Nachos (also homemade); then a dish I call Mexican lasagna, chicken and shrimp fajitas. He told me that I was the best cook – now I won’t disagree with him; but, I know he is wrong because I have eaten what some of you have cooked and you are phenomenal cooks. But, I will TAKE it.

I am afraid that the next few weeks will be the same spurts of being busy and reacting and then some lull time. That is what is wonderful about work – being able to manage the deliverables, my time and balance it with home life.

Remember: New Year = Balance.

Reflect Before Resolving

First and foremost, Happy New Year. At midnight last night we all welcomed 2012 in a variety of ways and many of us were happy to say good-bye to 2011 or so the Newscasters tell us.

You each may have made a New Year’s resolution or resolutions at the stroke of midnight; but, can I ask you how you made them, what method did you use, what thoughts went into them, are they the same as last year? I am currently reading a book, “The New Year’s Quilt” by Jennifer Chiaverini; and, yes it happens around New Years. In this novel the woman does not believe in resolutions but in reflection – she does so because her stubbornness kept her away from family for over 50 years and now as she is older she reflects on many of her previous actions and tries to ensure that others don't make the same mistakes.

And that is what I was getting at – did you reflect on this past year before you made your 2012 resolution(s)? As I look back at last year the first thing that came to mind is that I have been writing this blog weekly; I am amazed because I have never kept a diary or a journal before - simply because I couldn’t take the time to write things down. But; because of you who read it, comment and share with others I continue to write and I “thank you” for your continued support. As I reflect on this past year there have been many changes in my life – all of them GOOD. Am I lucky – YES and NO – we create our own luck; and we make the best of what has been given to us; it was just accepting the changes that were occurring and making them work.

Changes began at the beginning of the year as I had fewer responsibilities in my job; and, then it was eliminated – the change was good as I now work for a company that I am very proud of, in a job that I know will change people’s lives for the better.

In August, I started watching my great-nephews in my home mainly because I had central air and a backyard where I could put a small inflatable pool for them to stay cool. It gave me an opportunity to know them better because instead of just being with them for the day – I also had them spending the night. I was able to cook for them, play with them, and gauge their moods; but, most importantly I have been the recipient of their unconditional love.

What am I proud of having accomplished? I have now been consistently exercising four times a week for the past three years; although I am not skinny and probably will never be. I am stronger, more agile and flexible than I was 20 years ago; and, when I saw my Doctor on Tuesday my blood pressure was 122/78. I began today, the New Year by taking a KILLER Zumba class; but, feeling wonderful when it was over.

I continue to read a couple of books a month – one for total enjoyment; and one to increase my knowledge on any given number of subjects.

I tried to be there for my family and friends – I assisted my nephew-in-law in finding a job by just passing on his resume. I helped our administrator (who worked through a temp agency) re-write her resume and she will become a permanent employee on January 9th – these aren’t big things – they are small gestures in helping others and the end result is that they prospered.

So in reflecting in a year that had its highs and lows – it mostly had highs; but, did they happen on their own or did I assist it? I certainly took responsibility in getting my new job. I daily looked at Linkedin, updated my resume, sent it out to various jobs; and, lastly responded to an inquiry placed by a Headhunter on Linkedin. If you are considering a career change or are looking for a new job – consider using Linkedin to its fullest – social media DOES work.

As I look at what I would like to do in 2012; I have mentioned this before, I want to do some traveling. There are a variety of places I would like to see and there is no better time than the present. The one thing I have not done in a long time is volunteer. Yes, I donate to a many charities; but, it is not the same as when you give of yourself and your time. I need to look into an organization that I believe in and that I can be of value – so stay tuned to see what I end up doing. Or do any of you have any ideas for me?

As the year begins, I want to leave you with this quote which I have taken from a friend’s Facebook page – as I read it, I think it is a mantra that should be said each morning; and, if I knew how to needlepoint as I would place it on a tapestry and hang it in my home:

I Choose ...
to live by choice, not by chance;
to make changes, not excuses;
to be motivated, not manipulated;
to be useful, not used;
to excel, not compete.
I choose self-esteem, not self pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice,
not the random opinion of others.

Aren’t those wonderful words by which to live 2012!!!

So in 2012, I wish you health, happiness and prosperity.