Unconditional Love

By now you may have noticed that this month’s blogs have all focused on various ways to “love”. I specifically did that because of February being considered the month of love due to Valentines. I have spoken about like, about self-love and today I will try to write about “unconditional love”.

Is it possible to have “unconditional love” between a man and a woman, between friends, family members or is it just something that happens with babies and animals? I would like to believe that as adults we can experience and give “unconditional love”.

What is “unconditional love”? For me it is being able to love an individual for who they are and not for what we want or expect of them. And that is why I equate it to the love that we give to a baby or a pet. We love them for who they are – not because we expect them to smile for us or fetch our slippers. We don’t expect special tricks or for them to remember that it is Mother’s Day or to hug us tighter because we had a bad day at work.

However it appears that as we get older loving someone has certain “strings” that go with it and I do think this is a result of there being expectations of us as we get older. For me as a young child I was expected to never bring home a grade lower than a B on my report card, to keep a clean room, to be neat and to act properly (seen and not heard). As I got older it was expected that I would marry, have children and manage a household. And with those expectations was the amount of love that was demonstrated and received; it became a testament to my worth.

But why do we have to have expectations? Why do we feel that being in a relationship requires that we have a standing Friday night date or that there are flowers and dinner for Valentine’s Day? Have you ever realized how many times you have been disappointed because the individual did not meet your expectations? How many times you were angry or had an argument because everyone had different expectations?

After not living up to my family’s expectations and not having my own expectations met – I am trying to love unconditionally. To relish and enjoy the moment and to not take it further than that moment. How often when you have met someone new have you wondered, “is he the one”, “when will we move in together”, etc.? Instead why don’t you view this individual as a gift – something to enjoy maybe just for a little bit or maybe forever; but, don’t expect.

When I think of “unconditional love” I think of my 2 ½ year old great nephew. He cherishes the time you spend with him singing songs, helping him do his tumbling or playing patty cake. He doesn’t look for a gift other than a hug and a kiss and he enjoys the hours we spend together.

Go back to your childhood and view everything as new, as an adventure, as something to be enjoyed for the moment. Don’t expect, don’t set time lines and don’t compare to what you have had in the past or to what others have.

We are each unique – enjoy the uniqueness of everyone you meet.