Love Thyself

Tomorrow is February 14th or as we lovingly call it “Valentine’s Day” – for most single women probably the worst day of the year next to New Year’s Eve. But, it doesn’t have to be a terrible day; it can be a wonderful day with the emphasis on the right individual, “YOU”.

First, I want to give you a little bit of history on St. Valentine, who he was, how did Valentine’s begin and how have we come to celebrate it. It is believed that St. Valentine lived in Rome under the ruling of Emperor Claudius II, now here is where there are a couple of potential legends; 1) the Emperor who needed to build up his army decided that all single men would become soldiers and he outlawed marriages – St. Valentine continued to marry the single men in secrecy; 2) he helped Christians escape from Roman prisons and torture; 3) he sent the first “valentine” to his jailor’s daughter who would visit him and whom he fell in love with; before his death he signed his missive to her “From your Valentine”. Later in 498 AD Pope Gelaius declared February 14th St. Valentine’s Day – this was centered on the Roman fertility rites which were held during that time of the year as a spring ritual. It was not until the 1700’s when valentine cards and small gifts were exchanged both in England and the United States.

There is much pressure placed on us to make Valentine’s Day memorable through gifts, flowers, cards and dinner dates; but, if you are single none of that happens and we feel “left out” of the festivities. It has become a day when we focus our love on others; but, to love others don’t we have to love ourselves first?

How do you love yourself? What do you do to show that you appreciate the person that you have become? Do you define yourself through your work, your education or through what you have acquired? It is easy as a single individual to not think of our individual attributes as worthy; but, instead to let our accomplishments and acquisitions define us.

It is difficult to love another individual unless you can love yourself – now you are all sitting there saying; but, Toni I love myself – sit back and really think on that, hmm. How would you describe yourself to another individual? Would you emphasize your altruism, your intelligence, your generosity or would you talk about how you need to lose 10 pounds, that your hair is turning gray or how you hate your jiggly arms? Do you realize that the people who love you your parents, siblings and friends do not see that in you – they see the inner you. Do you see the inner you?

I know that there is no one harder on us than we are on ourselves; and, it is that criticism that makes us better. But, when do we say something good about ourselves? When do you say “good job”, or “I am a good person”? I am sure it is ‘never’ because we were not raised to see the good in ourselves, to embrace it and to love it.

Tomorrow take a good look at yourself and say, "I love me". Think of those things that you love about yourself both those that are attributes: kindness, thoughtfulness; and, your physical self: whether it is your eyes, your hands or feet. There is something that you like and enjoy about yourself.

Treat yourself kindly – buy that rose, (personally I prefer tulips) or that piece of chocolate, have a smile on your face that is reflected in your eyes – now you can see the “inner you”. Do something that you will enjoy whether it is going to the movies, taking a nice hot bath with a glass of wine or as I will do getting a manicure/pedicure and having someone massage my feet for 10 minutes.

Be your own Valentine; because, to be able to love oneself is the ability to love another unconditionally.

Always love thyself first.