Who Am I?

First I must apologize to all of you who are used to receiving my blogs on Sunday evening. Both Saturday and Sunday evenings I did not get home until after 8PM and each evening I was physically exhausted and just wanted to go to bed. Not that it helped because I am currently battling a bout of insomnia; and, so I am also not sleeping well.

Having said all that this week I want you to think of: "Who Are You?” I am sitting and pondering "Who Am I?” How do you describe yourself when you meet others? What has the most meaning in your life?

For many of us it is our work title, where we live, what we own. The past few weeks I have realized that none of that really matters – what matters are those relationships that define you. Most people would then think that I would be writing about my parents or my siblings; but, other than my Mother I was not close to my Father or my siblings.

One of the relationships that matters the most to me is the one I have with my cousin, his wife and his children. He is like my older brother – we have vacationed as a family together, we have monthly family dinners and spend each holiday together. I was actually born in the apartment where my cousin lived with his Mother (my Aunt and Godmother), our Grandmother and two other Aunts. He loves to remind me that my Mother kept him up that entire evening trying to give birth to me. For the first three (3) years of my life my Mother and I lived with her Mother, sisters and my cousin since my Father was in the Air Force.

Later in my late 20’s I was engaged and my fiancée had a cerebral hemorrhage which left him brain dead and after a few weeks we took him off life support. After everything had been settled I lived with my cousin and his family for a year and a half and helped with his children at night while he and his wife worked evenings (I worked days). He went to my MBA graduation and at my 50th birthday although he hates speaking in front of crowds mentioned how proud he was of me that while working a full time job I pursued my Masters, moved to the suburbs and was available for all family events. My cousin has also helped at times with either my job or associations I was a member of. We still talk about the Saturday that he, his mother and his children helped me put together 5000 folders for the launch of an audio conferencing service; and, in Orlando at a Polycom User Group conference as we decorated for the Volunteers dinner and had the painting ice breaker.

My friends – I have wonderful friends some who I have known for 36 years and some for just 12 years. What I have found with my friends is that it doesn’t matter if it has been five (5) days or five (5) months since we have spoken to each other; but, we can pick up our conversation as it was just yesterday. In all aspects of my life whether for celebrations (birthdays, weddings, graduations) or for losses (deaths, job changes or illness) my friends have been there as a support mechanism, a shoulder to lean on or someone to talk to and to retain some perspective.

Lastly, the man I date – my friend, my partner, my lover. Relationships can be difficult because there can be unrealistic expectations of each other which can make things hard. What is good about our relationship is that we understand each other and we have no expectations. We each work and understand that we must make that a priority, we each have families that are important to us and for whom we want to be available; and, finally we each like our personal time to enjoy working out, to decompress or to enjoy either a Yankee (me) or a Nets (him) game. Therefore, the time we spend together is precious; it is to revel in each other’s accomplishments and love. We enjoy doing simple things together: going to the grocery store or Home Depot, cooking dinner or enjoying a glass of wine on the outside patio or laying in bed and talking about our day.

So when I sit back and think of how I define myself I don’t want to talk about my career positions, or the Associations I have been a member of or the degrees I have. I want to be defined by the people I have touched and who have touched me.

A couple of weeks ago I was babysitting my great nephew (2 ½ years old) who has learned to say “thank you” when you give him something. He had asked for a cookie and I let him take it out of the cookie jar and he walked away – as I was putting the cookie jar away I hear him saying, “Oni, ank you, Oni, ank you.” As you can see he is having a little bit of a hard time saying consonants when they start the word – but, he defines me as a great aunt who is there for him.

Be Defined by the Lives You Touch, Not by What You Do!!!